Wednesday, July 12, 2017


I’m no fan of snakes, but I confess to a sneaking admiration for the rattlesnake that bit a man from Florida in the face. This incomparable oaf had tried to kiss the rattler for reasons that remain mysterious. His neighbour claims that he had boasted he could “kiss the Devil” and get away with it. Evidently, the rattlesnake was made of sturdier stuff than Satan and sent the audacious nincompoop to hospital with a life-threatening dose of venom. He is no longer in critical condition, but his frontal lobes remain impaired.

Now we jungle apes have an inborn aversion to snakes, but it has to be admitted that the rattlesnake is a far more honourable foe than most of the crawly characters that infest my neighbourhood. For one thing, it advertises its presence with a sinister noise, giving you the chance to decline combat and make a hasty retreat. And the above-mentioned incident proves that it shows no mercy to lecherous men who attempt to seduce it with kisses. If Donald Trump had tried to grab a rattlesnake by the pussy, his tiny bitten hand would have quickly swollen to a medium-sized one.

Sadly, not all snakes are as brave and defiant as the resourceful rattler. Google images contains a surprising number of pictures of snakes being embraced by naked women. I think the images are supposed to be erotic, but the hapless serpents don’t look as if they’re enjoying themselves. What is the point of forcing them to pose in those unnatural positions? I don’t see anything sexy about a snake being fondled by a woman.

Snakes are not the only animals that have fallen prey to the deviant carnal appetites of humanity. Does anyone remember the man from Sudan who was forced to marry a goat he had taken advantage of? It was a shotgun wedding that punished the poor animal more severely that its abuser. The bearded bride died two years later from undisclosed causes. Maybe it committed suicide to end the agony of its marriage.

We gorillas, of course, are not immune from the attentions of infatuated humans. The King Kong syndrome is alive and well in giddy young ladies of a certain disposition. Back in my circus days, I received a number of requests from women who wanted me to shower them under a waterfall. I generally told them I was too busy and gave them a brochure about holidays in Niagara Falls. On one occasion I agreed to cool off a sweaty-looking girl with a garden hose. A few women attempted to grope me, but I never pressed charges – one has to make allowances for overexcited fans.

The hope for the future is that animal sex robots will satisfy humans with the urge for cross-species love. It shouldn’t be difficult to construct something that looks and sounds like a sheep or a goat. A replica gorilla would be a much greater challenge, though. I’d like to see the robot that can grab a pair of maracas with its toes.

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I was reading recently about some variety of monkey that appears to have three different warning signals for other monkeys.

One was when there was a perceived threat from above. One was when a snake was spotted. I don't remember the other.

Regardless, these shrieks appear to be hardwired into the monkeys and not something like language that they pass on from one generation to the next.

Fear of snakes is fairly primal. Hardwired into all of us to some degree, I think. Obviously, our ancestors that weren't afraid and got bit didn't stick around for long enough to pass their genes on.

Which this moron who tried to kiss a snake almost proved.
"the man from Sudan who was forced to marry a goat he had taken advantage of?"

I'm not asking any questions.

And I surmise that the females find you alluring because your gorilla hung, dear.
"This incomparable oaf had tried to kiss the rattler" - (1) it lives in FL, (2) it supports donald dump, and (3) it's a religious freak. that's all you need to know.
Being bitten while trying to kiss a rattler is known as 'thinning the herd.'

A rattlesnake would never bite Donald Trump. Professional courtesy.
I can't fathom women who pose with snakes, like Britney.
Well, what a plonker. There are priests in America that do such things; they think that if they can survive the bite and venom of a rattlesnake it’s God saving them. Guess what…..

I held a corn snake the other day.I wasn’t naked. I’m smart like that.

If the snake didn't kill him it should at least have bitten him in the gonads to prevent any possible breeding that might occur in the future.
Jono has a good point.
I wouldn't want to kiss a snake, unless it rattled for me in really special ways GB.
You start with snakes biting people in the face and somehow get to robot sex gorillas. This what I missed about blogging. I've been away too long.
Harry: It's true. Baboons have special calls for all kind of situations, including being kicked in the butt by a gorilla.

Mistress Maddie: It's not like you to be so incurious, Mistress! Ask as many questions as you like!

Anne Marie: I didn't pick up points (2) and (3) from the news item, Anne Marie. Are they facts you inferred from the man's behaviour?

Exile: It would be if the fellow hadn't survived. Modern medicine has a lot to answer for.

Pop Tart: Did Britney really do that? She must have a secret passion for snakes.

Jules: Did you meet any snake handlers in Texas, Jules? I've heard they speak in tongues!

Jono: It's strange to think of such a man breeding. There must be women who aren't very choosy.

Robyn: I hope such a snake exists, Robyn. I'm sure it would do anything for your kiss. ;)

Dr Ken: It was a logical chain of thought, Dr Ken. That's what blogging helps you do!
snakes are very interesting.

someone ought to make a movie about snakes taking a vacation on an airplane.
Well, at least he didn't try to convince the snake to give him a blow job.
I don't mind snakes but I'm not gonna try to kiss one either.
I will pass on snakes.
Pop Tart: Was that a real snake? It looks a bit plastic to me.

Mr Rosewater: They might have a problem with the safety belts.

Al: That was the next thing on his list after the kiss.

Mary: A wise policy, Mary.

Rammer Jammer: As many have done in Chinese restaurants.
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